Just Me

     I received a message from my best friend a while ago, saying that she is going to my university to study. I was exhilarated. However, after a few moment of joy, I came to ask myself these questions. Will I ever have the ability to take care of her if she really come to my university? Will I let her down? Will I dump her alone?  Will I neglect her? Will I ? There are so much of uncertainty in my mind, I cannot help myself from stop thinking. Maybe you will think that I had been thinking too much, but indeed, these are the questions that I need to figure them out so that the same disaster will not happen again, the same miserable scene will stop playing in front of my eyes over and over again. What am I suppose to do? I cannot answer the question of my own. I am struggling so that someone can tell me the solution.

     She is my best friend since my secondary school. She is a independent girl and the head of our small social team that time. We had some quarrels yet we are still able to maintain our strong friendship. She and our small girl group were the one who gave me my first teddy for my birthday present. However, we became not that close after we went to Form four as we studied in different classroom. Then, I continued my study in Matrix and she continued hers in STPM. She told me that she really want to get into Matrix but the Lucky Fairy was not at her side that time. I felt sorry for her too but I could not do anything to help her. Thus, after I entered my university, I kept on encourage her to study with me. Ya, my law of magnetic worked. She is now going to study with me. The difference between us is that I am going to continue my study as a second year electrical engineer while she started her first foot step as an electronic engineer. It is a pleasant news to hear that, to know that I can actually study with my best friends after we had been separated for so many years. I ... I ... do not know... Maybe I have been thinking too much. I kept on encouraging myself that everything will be fine and I  just need God to lead my way. What I can do now is pray for the best. I think, that is the only thing I can do now. :( Maybe it is true, from one of my friend's comment, saying that I am becoming more and more pessimist lately. ... Haiz.... I really do not know. Maybe I had changed, maybe not?


Uncertain ME:-)

    I planned my to do list on the last day of July because I did not want to face the reality in which I have so many incomplete tasks. The first task of my to do list is to read eight books within the month of August. I know it will be a very easy task for most of you guys out there. However, it was not an easy task for me, yet it was not something too tough to complete. So, that is how I landed myself to this very first book of mine entitled " The power of Six," written by Pittacus Lore. It is a continuous story book after " I am Number four".

The book I bought basically look like this.

    I recommended you guys to read this book after you had seen or watch the movie " I am number Four". The story had not ended yet and I am waiting for another book from Pittacus Lore. I recommended this book because the story line is unique. I like the way the author divide the chapters, the readers could know the whole story line from different people's perspective. However, you will face problem if you did not finish the book before it. It is worth for you guys to give it a try.It is suitable for people who like fantasy like me. If there are five stars given to me to rate it, I will give it three and half. The reason I gave it three and a half is that I do not like the romantic part of the book, it is sucks when you are waiting for another thrilling war to happen yet you are stuck in the middle of romance. Maybe it is the technique used by the author in order to slow down the rhythm a bit but I did not really pay it. That is all my feedback after reading the book. I am on my way for another. Have a pleasant day ^.^

    A dream, it is an updated post for dream. Last time, I told you guys about my dream-- sponsoring a child and helping his or her community. My dream really came true. I received a letter from World Vision Indonesia while I was spending my holiday here in my hometown. I was quite pleased as my request had been heard by World Vision.
   With the letter, I received a palm picture from my sponsor kid. I am glad to know that my sponsor kid is a she not a he. I know I am not suppose to bias in any gender, yet I still prefer girl a lot more than boy, maybe this is due to my growing environment. The palm picture I received from her shows that she is not older than five years old. I hope my prediction is correct. I hope that I can continue sponsor this little kid and her community. I hope that God will bless her wisdom and health, with this little money of mine, I hope that I am able to provide her with all the stuff she need. 

As the quote goes.

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work learning from failure.” ~ General Colin Powell

    Ok, since the quote asked me to do so, thus, I am going to follow it right now. It is two days before my exam, yet, I am still sitting in front of my hubbie, typing this innovative blog of mine. Examination is around the corner, even so, I still want to take a few minutes, even hours off. I had been pissed off by hundreds and even thousands of formulas. It is time for me to have a break. So, I went to Raja Udang, Penang for a sip of their renowned Tom Yam Mee. Sorry, I was not able to upload any photo. This is because the aroma of the Tom Yam soup is too alluring, only after I regained my conscious, I found that I had finished my meal. =.=''' Thus, I could not do anything but regretting T^T Honestly speaking, the Tom Yam Mee is delectable. It was not spicy, ( I cannot believe I can still withstand the spice as I am someone who cannot eat spicy food) it tastes sour more than spicy, thus, I recommended you guys who have the same problem as mine, to get yourself a try.

Still, not to fail you all. I stole a picture of it. This shop is really unique because it do not have any shop's name. However everyone called it guang hua xiao xue as it located beside the primary school.

It is delicious, I love its taste. Oh my gosh,  you(green tea ice cream, grass jelly, and coconut milk), you all are willing to scarified for me? It was so touched to have you guys to held a conference and decided to fulfill your task here. You guys had chosen the right place. XDXD

     Besides, I got a chance to sit opposite this cute adorable little girl. Her name is Yaya. She is our lecturer's daughter. We have something in common, which is both of us like grass jelly very very much. Thus, she kept on asking me for grass jelly as she had none in her bowl. The moment she shouted out "Jie Jie( Sister in Mandarin)" I could not stop but stretch my arm to feed her. ^.^ That is the reason I love baby girl so much. 

Aren't she cute? Her ingenious look made me feel like pinching her. ^.^

    Last but not least, I am going to show you our master piece, tata... the receipt. 

RM156 !!@@

    It is a really delightful night and I think I had enough charge for my revision tomorrow. 

Oh my gosh! The exam is coming but I am still blogging. :p


 
     It was an inspired post by me. I did not sleep pretty well these two days. I woke up with nightmares. Maybe it is due to the over depressed feeling, the feeling of knowing the exam is around the corner, makes me feel ill. The first nightmare was something personal and I am not talking about it. I am sure you all are interested in the latter. It is a weird dream. I dreamt of a guy I knew, confessed to me. " Hey, it is a happy dream after all?"  No, it isn't. For me, it isn't. Love has been a sensitive issue for me after I stepped into my feet into my secondary school compounds. After matrix, I felt so insecure of love due to an event. Thus, I know I am not ready for any relationship yet. However, what if someday a guy confess to you but you are still not yet ready. Should I go into the relationship blindly? or should I ask him to wait? to wait for me for a couples of years? What if I am still not ready although that couples of years had passed? I do not want to waste your time and my time.

    The reason I am so afraid to go into any relationship is because I am afraid that you are not the person that God prepared for me. What if ? What if we end up with a not happily-ever -after ending? Friendship had stabbed me too many many times that I do not bother to count, what will happen if the same situation happens on love?  When you become the only person I cared? when you had became my priority? when you become my essential? The moment knowing the fact you are going to dump me soon was like dragging me all the way from heaven to hell. To not having that kind of despair, I rather not stepping into this kind of trouble.

 “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” ― Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land 

      Besides, I know that  I am not perfect. I have too many weakness. I am an ideal smiley, someone who smiled outside yet in her heart, she had too many things untold. What if you do not like me after you see the real me? I think you will be pissed off. You will not accept this little girl with so much of imperfection. Thus, please do not come and ruin my happy life. Please, I know that most of my nightmares come true but not this one please. :(

The above picture told me love without fear . I really cannot do that. I feel so insecure.

     If that dreams really come to reality, I hope that I can said this bravely. " Sorry, I am not ready. I still cannot endure the agony of heartbroken".