Oh my gosh! The exam is coming but I am still blogging. :p


 
     It was an inspired post by me. I did not sleep pretty well these two days. I woke up with nightmares. Maybe it is due to the over depressed feeling, the feeling of knowing the exam is around the corner, makes me feel ill. The first nightmare was something personal and I am not talking about it. I am sure you all are interested in the latter. It is a weird dream. I dreamt of a guy I knew, confessed to me. " Hey, it is a happy dream after all?"  No, it isn't. For me, it isn't. Love has been a sensitive issue for me after I stepped into my feet into my secondary school compounds. After matrix, I felt so insecure of love due to an event. Thus, I know I am not ready for any relationship yet. However, what if someday a guy confess to you but you are still not yet ready. Should I go into the relationship blindly? or should I ask him to wait? to wait for me for a couples of years? What if I am still not ready although that couples of years had passed? I do not want to waste your time and my time.

    The reason I am so afraid to go into any relationship is because I am afraid that you are not the person that God prepared for me. What if ? What if we end up with a not happily-ever -after ending? Friendship had stabbed me too many many times that I do not bother to count, what will happen if the same situation happens on love?  When you become the only person I cared? when you had became my priority? when you become my essential? The moment knowing the fact you are going to dump me soon was like dragging me all the way from heaven to hell. To not having that kind of despair, I rather not stepping into this kind of trouble.

 “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” ― Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land 

      Besides, I know that  I am not perfect. I have too many weakness. I am an ideal smiley, someone who smiled outside yet in her heart, she had too many things untold. What if you do not like me after you see the real me? I think you will be pissed off. You will not accept this little girl with so much of imperfection. Thus, please do not come and ruin my happy life. Please, I know that most of my nightmares come true but not this one please. :(

The above picture told me love without fear . I really cannot do that. I feel so insecure.

     If that dreams really come to reality, I hope that I can said this bravely. " Sorry, I am not ready. I still cannot endure the agony of heartbroken".