Just Me

     Jealousy, a word that is so simple to type yet gave me another sobbing night. I do not know the reason my tears coming out so damn easily :(. The trigger was just a stupid singing competition. Just a simple competition. I just have to endure the fact that I cannot really sing. Ya, I cannot sing. I used to be a choir member, a choir member that cannot sing very well. That is me. I felt jealous of one of my church member as she has God's gift, the perfect voice. I am just getting jealous. I hope that this feeling will fade away after this post. Nothing will change if I continue to get jealous. It only makes me feel worse. No one is going to get hurt except myself, so, stop feeling jealous. No one is going to pity me. What I need to do is to stop having this sort of feeling and move on with a smile :) Just smile like what I used to do. :)

    I was very very busy last few weeks because I had three tests in a row. Now, I was glad that it was finally over. Last night, it was the harshest time I had ever gone true. It was very humiliating though. :( It was my first time weeping after hearing my mom's voice.

 
     In the other side of the phone, she kept on asking me not to cry but I just could not help it. I cannot withstand the pressure. I could not do in any of the two previous test. I feel myself so stupid. I kept on wondering the reason I could not cope up with the study. Then, I started to blame the lecturer for coming out with such nasty test questions and yet they did not even teach us probably. :( I started to blame the book for having so complicated description and explanation. Then, I end up blaming myself for not having smart brain. The brain blame for heart for not having the inspiration to study :(. The blaming never end. It was like an endless loop. After the call, my mom told me that it was my time to stop crying, then she hanged up her phone. I did not stop the crying immediately, continue for a while, and then I went to the wash room to clean my face. My eyes were red, swollen and tired. Just then I realized that it was my time to stop, to stop all the negative feeling and concentrate on my study. I used to be such a happy girl but I did not know the exact location of that girl now. Did she still exist in my soul? If not, where had she been disappearing? Where is she? Maybe, university life has truly change the inside me. :(



Falling ME :-(

    Today, I am going to show you a song that I had listened for this couples of week. It is " Distance" by Christina Perri. The song had been released few months ago and it really touched people's heart. I do not know how will you guys think but it really touched mine.

     Ok, I promised myself to write a post once two weeks. I am addicted in this song particular recently. It is inspired, I think. It is not a really new song, but I think the lyrics did make sense. XDXD I am going to introduce this song to you, " Who says" by Selena Gomez.

    It is a new month and the date of 10th of September is becoming nearer and nearer. What is so important on that date? 10th of September is my university reopening date. Ok, it shall be the most horrible and gruesome moment this year, knowing that I need to leave this comfy home of mine, knowing that I will have to leave my kindred spirit again, knowing that I will not returned until half year later. :-( However, still, I am going to that all this with a buoyant mood. It is my second year studying in this university and yet I had not wrote a single post of it. Hmm... Am I going to write for it now. Nope, I guess nope, because there are so many things I need to talk about and I am not into that kinda mood right now.

    I want to make a to do list right here as I had not done it before. I had a feeling that I had not worked hard enough during my first year. I had been letting all my time slipped through my fingertips. So, now it is time to get serious.

A broken dream are like butterfly with broken wings. It is beautiful but still it had broken.

To Do List

"Life did not require that we be the best, only that we try our best."

Here it goes, a new semester started.. And I am going to be serious.

Ready ME:-)

     The theme of the day is gentleman. Do you know what is gentleman? In the past, people refers one who is well educated and they must come from good family and distinction. However now the definition of gentleman had changed a bit. Gentleman nowadays does not necessary refer to man who comes from good family or well educated. So, what does gentleman mean? Most of the time, people will refer man who open the door for a girl as a gentleman. It is true though. However, I think every boy has the ability to become gentleman. Even though how horrible a boy will treat other but he will treat his one and only girl friend gently. This statement will only be true if all of the guys in this world is loyal to his partner.

    Ok, let me get into my main point of the day, I just realized that I had spoken too much. The main objective of me writing this post is to introduce you the drama and movie that I had finished recently. It is a Korea drama with a title of " Gentleman Dignity ". It is said to be a male version of Sex City. I would like give you guys a short summary of the drama. The story is about four forty-one-year-old guys, who are strongly bond together by friendship. They had knew each other since secondary school. I was very astonished by how long lasting their friendship is. Then, the drama developed when very each of them found a girl they loved. It is not a really passionate love drama. This is because when guys reach their age of forty, they will not love like what that did when they are still young. It is a very mature kind of love. I love all the actors and actresses as they are so ravishing and divine. My friend who is on my same age told me that they are kinda old. Maybe this is because I prefer mature man than younger ones.  I love the last episode of the drama.There is a scene when one of the couples is too old to have a kid, they start to adopt kids from Africa.Although it is short, it is rare for a korea drama to invade this kind of value to the audience. It is a highly recommended drama. You guys shall go and watch.

     It had been a year. I am writing a new post for her because I want to write and record down all the things she had done for me throughout this whole year. We had not changed a lot physically. She is still with her smart and drop-dead gorgeous boyfriend, Bobbily and I am still living my gleeful single life. She is now sylphlike and yet I am still a bit chubby.  Although she was not at my side, she had helped me a lot. I had phoned her a few times when I was dejected and depressed, she will patiently answer all my calls. It was nice talking to her. It would be more superior if she can appear in front of me. However, it is more than enough and I cannot ask more than that as it is an acquisitive act. 

It is a photo that we took a year ago. We are going for a dinner that time and all the hairdo and make up was done in a saloon. We used to be said as twins because of we look alike.

This is a new photo of us. Same position, same face and yet I am wondering how we had developed mentally.

    Although we do not have any grand dinner in common but I had came out with this request which is to play make up and hair do with her. It was a splendid one because she said she could not even recognize herself inside this picture. This is due to her superb hair designer. XDXD Still, she is the most beautiful and stunning girl in this world. I am willing to scarify myself to be the second one. 

     I received a message from my best friend a while ago, saying that she is going to my university to study. I was exhilarated. However, after a few moment of joy, I came to ask myself these questions. Will I ever have the ability to take care of her if she really come to my university? Will I let her down? Will I dump her alone?  Will I neglect her? Will I ? There are so much of uncertainty in my mind, I cannot help myself from stop thinking. Maybe you will think that I had been thinking too much, but indeed, these are the questions that I need to figure them out so that the same disaster will not happen again, the same miserable scene will stop playing in front of my eyes over and over again. What am I suppose to do? I cannot answer the question of my own. I am struggling so that someone can tell me the solution.

     She is my best friend since my secondary school. She is a independent girl and the head of our small social team that time. We had some quarrels yet we are still able to maintain our strong friendship. She and our small girl group were the one who gave me my first teddy for my birthday present. However, we became not that close after we went to Form four as we studied in different classroom. Then, I continued my study in Matrix and she continued hers in STPM. She told me that she really want to get into Matrix but the Lucky Fairy was not at her side that time. I felt sorry for her too but I could not do anything to help her. Thus, after I entered my university, I kept on encourage her to study with me. Ya, my law of magnetic worked. She is now going to study with me. The difference between us is that I am going to continue my study as a second year electrical engineer while she started her first foot step as an electronic engineer. It is a pleasant news to hear that, to know that I can actually study with my best friends after we had been separated for so many years. I ... I ... do not know... Maybe I have been thinking too much. I kept on encouraging myself that everything will be fine and I  just need God to lead my way. What I can do now is pray for the best. I think, that is the only thing I can do now. :( Maybe it is true, from one of my friend's comment, saying that I am becoming more and more pessimist lately. ... Haiz.... I really do not know. Maybe I had changed, maybe not?


Uncertain ME:-)

    I planned my to do list on the last day of July because I did not want to face the reality in which I have so many incomplete tasks. The first task of my to do list is to read eight books within the month of August. I know it will be a very easy task for most of you guys out there. However, it was not an easy task for me, yet it was not something too tough to complete. So, that is how I landed myself to this very first book of mine entitled " The power of Six," written by Pittacus Lore. It is a continuous story book after " I am Number four".

The book I bought basically look like this.

    I recommended you guys to read this book after you had seen or watch the movie " I am number Four". The story had not ended yet and I am waiting for another book from Pittacus Lore. I recommended this book because the story line is unique. I like the way the author divide the chapters, the readers could know the whole story line from different people's perspective. However, you will face problem if you did not finish the book before it. It is worth for you guys to give it a try.It is suitable for people who like fantasy like me. If there are five stars given to me to rate it, I will give it three and half. The reason I gave it three and a half is that I do not like the romantic part of the book, it is sucks when you are waiting for another thrilling war to happen yet you are stuck in the middle of romance. Maybe it is the technique used by the author in order to slow down the rhythm a bit but I did not really pay it. That is all my feedback after reading the book. I am on my way for another. Have a pleasant day ^.^

    A dream, it is an updated post for dream. Last time, I told you guys about my dream-- sponsoring a child and helping his or her community. My dream really came true. I received a letter from World Vision Indonesia while I was spending my holiday here in my hometown. I was quite pleased as my request had been heard by World Vision.
   With the letter, I received a palm picture from my sponsor kid. I am glad to know that my sponsor kid is a she not a he. I know I am not suppose to bias in any gender, yet I still prefer girl a lot more than boy, maybe this is due to my growing environment. The palm picture I received from her shows that she is not older than five years old. I hope my prediction is correct. I hope that I can continue sponsor this little kid and her community. I hope that God will bless her wisdom and health, with this little money of mine, I hope that I am able to provide her with all the stuff she need. 

As the quote goes.

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work learning from failure.” ~ General Colin Powell

    Ok, since the quote asked me to do so, thus, I am going to follow it right now. It is two days before my exam, yet, I am still sitting in front of my hubbie, typing this innovative blog of mine. Examination is around the corner, even so, I still want to take a few minutes, even hours off. I had been pissed off by hundreds and even thousands of formulas. It is time for me to have a break. So, I went to Raja Udang, Penang for a sip of their renowned Tom Yam Mee. Sorry, I was not able to upload any photo. This is because the aroma of the Tom Yam soup is too alluring, only after I regained my conscious, I found that I had finished my meal. =.=''' Thus, I could not do anything but regretting T^T Honestly speaking, the Tom Yam Mee is delectable. It was not spicy, ( I cannot believe I can still withstand the spice as I am someone who cannot eat spicy food) it tastes sour more than spicy, thus, I recommended you guys who have the same problem as mine, to get yourself a try.

Still, not to fail you all. I stole a picture of it. This shop is really unique because it do not have any shop's name. However everyone called it guang hua xiao xue as it located beside the primary school.

It is delicious, I love its taste. Oh my gosh,  you(green tea ice cream, grass jelly, and coconut milk), you all are willing to scarified for me? It was so touched to have you guys to held a conference and decided to fulfill your task here. You guys had chosen the right place. XDXD

     Besides, I got a chance to sit opposite this cute adorable little girl. Her name is Yaya. She is our lecturer's daughter. We have something in common, which is both of us like grass jelly very very much. Thus, she kept on asking me for grass jelly as she had none in her bowl. The moment she shouted out "Jie Jie( Sister in Mandarin)" I could not stop but stretch my arm to feed her. ^.^ That is the reason I love baby girl so much. 

Aren't she cute? Her ingenious look made me feel like pinching her. ^.^

    Last but not least, I am going to show you our master piece, tata... the receipt. 

RM156 !!@@

    It is a really delightful night and I think I had enough charge for my revision tomorrow. 

Oh my gosh! The exam is coming but I am still blogging. :p


 
     It was an inspired post by me. I did not sleep pretty well these two days. I woke up with nightmares. Maybe it is due to the over depressed feeling, the feeling of knowing the exam is around the corner, makes me feel ill. The first nightmare was something personal and I am not talking about it. I am sure you all are interested in the latter. It is a weird dream. I dreamt of a guy I knew, confessed to me. " Hey, it is a happy dream after all?"  No, it isn't. For me, it isn't. Love has been a sensitive issue for me after I stepped into my feet into my secondary school compounds. After matrix, I felt so insecure of love due to an event. Thus, I know I am not ready for any relationship yet. However, what if someday a guy confess to you but you are still not yet ready. Should I go into the relationship blindly? or should I ask him to wait? to wait for me for a couples of years? What if I am still not ready although that couples of years had passed? I do not want to waste your time and my time.

    The reason I am so afraid to go into any relationship is because I am afraid that you are not the person that God prepared for me. What if ? What if we end up with a not happily-ever -after ending? Friendship had stabbed me too many many times that I do not bother to count, what will happen if the same situation happens on love?  When you become the only person I cared? when you had became my priority? when you become my essential? The moment knowing the fact you are going to dump me soon was like dragging me all the way from heaven to hell. To not having that kind of despair, I rather not stepping into this kind of trouble.

 “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” ― Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land 

      Besides, I know that  I am not perfect. I have too many weakness. I am an ideal smiley, someone who smiled outside yet in her heart, she had too many things untold. What if you do not like me after you see the real me? I think you will be pissed off. You will not accept this little girl with so much of imperfection. Thus, please do not come and ruin my happy life. Please, I know that most of my nightmares come true but not this one please. :(

The above picture told me love without fear . I really cannot do that. I feel so insecure.

     If that dreams really come to reality, I hope that I can said this bravely. " Sorry, I am not ready. I still cannot endure the agony of heartbroken".

  "Buzz... Buzz," my handset vibrated when I was "concentrating" on my lecture. "Who is that?" It was a text message from my senior. She was asking me to become a MC for the Christian fellowship farewell dinner. I hesitated for a while. "What? Speaking in front on the stage, are you kidding me? I am used to talk nonsense, however, say something serious on that particular event, are you bluffing?" Thus, I texted back. " I am not pretty confident that I can do it."However, she successfully convinced me. I found that I was quite easily convinced by other people. :(

The theme of our farewell is A night t shine.

A pretty handmade booklet. Isn't it beautiful.

    Despite of doing their final year project, they had been doing this pretty, awesome and gorgeous  booklet for us. ;-( Oh no, now, I am starting to miss you all.

    How will you feel when you actually make a move, making your dream to come true? I think the joy is intangible. I have been working on this small little dream. Actually, I forgot my dream half way through. However, when I heard that my dream can be accomplished through world vision, I regained my passion. It is not a big dream after all. You will know what I am talking about after you make a  move by clicking the link below. Please click

I want to put a big smile on her face. I know that I have all the stuff that I need, so it is my time to distribute my love to others.

    It was an event that happened a few days ago. It was a beautiful coincidence. I liked to refer it as a coincidence as it was totally unpredictable. That day, we went to Penang Island by shuttle bus. Under the situation of not having enough seat, I was being arranged to sit beside a beautiful young lady. This was how miracle happened. She started to greet me. Saying "halo" to me. The conversation between both of us was quite funny. We didn't introduce ourselves only until the end of our conversation. She is a Iran girl, a bachelor holder who continue her master in our university. If I was not mistaken, she is taking electronic design. We chatted something on our religion and culture.
   
    She told me that Iran people will celebrate their new year in the middle of March. Iranian New Year is called Nowruz. It marks the first day of spring and the beginning of the year. There is a very unique meaning hidden behind this majestic event. Nowruz is the exact moment the sun crosses the celestial equator. Besides, another value we shall learn from Iranian is that they are ambitious. Most of them are highly educated. For example, the Iranian girl I talked to, every member of  her family is at least a master holder. That truly amazed me.The most stunning fact I discovered is that she had the same dream as mine. That is after doing her PHD, she wanted to establish a company. I was really surprised yet wishing her good luck. ^.^.

    Later, she took out a book. It was in Arab. I asked whether it is their bible. She said no and smiled playfully. She didn't tell me what book that is.
     Iran girl: Do you have any boy friend?
                I: No.
     Iran girl:(a bit disappointed) Do you have any boy you liked?
     I doubted and thought through it and I nodded.
     Iran girl: You pictured the boy you like and hold this book tight. After that, you open one of the page            randomly.
   
    I did what she asked, like an obedient five-year-old little girl. Then, I gave the book to her. She said the book was a book that give you the answer  to your question. She read the words, then, she translated them. She told me it is a good relationship and it is long lasting. I was speechless that time. This is because I mentioned two guys' name at the same time. :p So, that only means the book cannot understand the language I talked. Haha.
 
     After 2 hours, we reached our destination. We exchanged our handset number. Then, we wish each other good luck. What an experience! I want to talk to people from other countries again. ^.^ I was so excited of meeting her again <3


Sociable ME :-)